All or nothing is an important term we should all live by. We should headline a boundary for ourselves before we enter a relationship. This should be the first we should title. It’s important the other knows you cannot cherry pick who you are, you make could be a person who is great company at their best and a bit withdrawn when they get down, but it’s important to let them know- when they want the good they must accept the bad-its all or nothing!.
There was a situation I had heard of where a man, didn’t want to be fully committed in his current relationship so had taken some time out. Met a new girl and fell in love. The new girl girl had wanted more, but knowing that he couldn’t fully commit in the way she wanted, he had offered the invitation for her to be ‘ friends’. In the best advice I could give, I told her that “Friends is just an offering of getting half. It’s an opportunity for have some of you, all the things that you are giving- which is everything, and letting him take til his satisfaction. Here theres a decay in balance. There’s no equality at all!
You must tell yourself that you are a whole person. Giving and taking half doesn’t give you the best factor of a relationship- it will do nothing for you but suck the remainder of sustenance you have either started to build or got left.
The time you spend thinking about someone, and what they want is the same value you should put into thinking about what you would like. Having these little self conversations encourages your own voice to get louder, so you can hear what it that you require. It also gives you the power to understand your own character. Loneliness is a territory which can push us into the arms of the wrong person. Whenever we hit these walls, we tend to give based on our melancholy. Likewise, we must remind ourselves what it is we want to give as well as get.
We tend to forget that the term single means we are single. One-Full stop- that it. Whilst we are in that zone, we grasp that we have to be just that. It’s paramount that we make ourselves accept all we are. So someone else can. It’s also right you do not let anyone cherry pick who you are. You are not giving them the best and hiding the rest.
Being single is a great way of creating yourself. It is always a classical way of finding peace with who you are. The best lesson I feel it reveals is that when we are single… is that we are single altogether. When we declare ourselves in a relationship, we put it out that that we are either all in or all out. And that what we do when we are single.
A therapist once told me never to be single for too long, that if you’re looking for love, you need to be in the cycle of dating. I never understood this but now I do. I have seen that being single for some people gives them some kind of excuse to bulk themselves up into the ‘ I don’t need a man’ front and they convince themselves that single is the best way of life, not realising that if deep down they wish for a lover, they need to stop fronting . They just make themselves into a pandemonium of fluster.
“We all need reassurance and encouragement. We’re human, and that’s how we work”
― Richard Templar, The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationship
With all this at play, one must realise that when you sit with yourself in singleness you have taken all that at gathering. It’s important to eliminate all things you do not want to spring up in your relationship. If you have an overbearing addiction, emotional pattern, anger issue then you must absolutely schedule something to be done about it. Until then unless you’re ready to give all healthily- emotionally, mentally and fully then it would be zilch until then.